Chapter 6

Honoring Marital Vows with Complete Fidelity 

by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner 

nfidelity.org 

Unfortunately, infidelity is something that the world as a whole is having to deal with. No one particularly likes it, but it happens. One of the worst things I can think of would be finding out that my wife was cheating on me, but it is required of us to forgive everyone and then let the Lord decide who He will forgive. 

How could we ever repair a marriage after infidelity? 

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That is a hard question for me, but luckily we have some suggestions from this great chapter. They are:

- Rebuilt trust

     - We need to become accountable and own up to what we've done. 

     - After telling all of the truths, you need to establish boundaries so that the same mistake does not 

       happen twice. 

- Gain Perspective

 

- Repentance and Forgiveness

     - We need to confess to the necessary parties so that we can start down repentance road.

     - We need to really decide in our hearts to stop whatever it is that we were, or are, doing wrong, and

        then we will be that much closer to forgiving ourselves. 

     - We should look to find forgiveness from those we have done wrong against, including ourselves.

     - Wee need to be able to forgive our spouse if it is the case that it happens to us. 

- Overcoming addiction 

    

- Making the choice to stay together 

     - Be able to discuss and admit that the bad things happened, but resolve to make amends and move

       on with life.

     - Strengthen the present and try to make your relationship more open and better than ever before. 

     - Look toward the future that you have together with your spouse and make goals to move forward

       with your lives together rather than continuing to live with fear and regret in your hearts. 

Chapter 5

Marital Sexuality and Fertility 

by James M. Harper and Leslie Feinauer

This chapter can be kind of taboo with a lot of people, especially in the church, so I was glad that they were able to include some thoughts about it. 

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They pose an interesting questions that has some key points that I would like to touch on. The question is asked, "Marital sexuality serves for what?" The points that were listed are as follows:

- Becoming One

- Connecting with God 

- Strengthen emotional and spiritual bonds in marriage 

- Avoiding temptation 

- Rearing Children. 

Others outside of our faith might have some other thoughts on abstinence, but we, as members of the Lords true church, know that sexual relations are only to be had within the bond of matrimony. 

There is told an interesting story in the beginning of the chapter about a 13 year old daughter and her mother. They are laying in bed reading a book when the 13 year old asks, "mom, is sex better than candy?" I was very glad to hear that the mother responded as follows, "Oh yes, dear, with your husband in an eternal marriage, sex is far better than candy."

Sometimes we think that it is inappropriate to talk about sex. In some cases, it is. But in others, it should be allowed to be discussed and come from the right sources rather than the wrong ones. 

Kids should hear it from their parents, not the friend at school.

McCarthy and McCarthy put some attitudes in the chapter that, "help promote positive marital sexuality as including the beliefs that:

1. Sexual Interaction is a heathy component of marriage that need not be a source of negative feelings or guilt
2. Married persons deserve to feel good about their bodies and to view sexual expression as a normal, healthy part of their marriage.
3. A primary component of marital sexuality is giving and receiving pleasure-oriended touching in the context of an intimate, committed, and divinely supported relationship. As such, it requires relaxation and focus on the other person as well as on one's own pleasure.
4. Sexuality should be expressed in a way that enhances your intimate, marital relationship and bonds you together.
5. Couples should strive to create a "we" relationship, where both partners' sharing and pleasure is important as opposed to one persono individually focused on what she or he will get out of the experience."

Chapter 4

                                           

Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families.

by Valerie M. Hudson and Richard B. Miller

        

This chapter seemed to be very important to everyone who is living on the earth in this day and age because this particular subject is getting thrown out the window more and more. Men and women are equal, but this chapter (and what I would like to share with y'all) helps us realize that equal and identical are NOT the same thing - not even close.


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When God created Adam and Eve, He gave them the same commandments, not separate ones. He made them equals, but not identical. We, men and women, both have our separate, distinct, purposes, but that doesn't mean that we are all going to do the same things at exactly the same time or even in the same way. We have personalities because God wanted us to be different, but still equal.

Eve did partake of the fruit first, but that does in no way, shape, or form make her, or women, inferior or less than men. This chapter does a great job of helping us understand that Eve partook of the fruit out of wisdom and after much thought rather than just being weak and succumbing to the persuasion of the devil.

This chapter, on page 43, has an assessment to see where the power lies in the relationship. After pondering over the questions, I have a lot to change. This is what God intends for us to do. We need to learn about equality, and then do all we can to be equal partners in our relationships.

Chapter 2

The ABCs of Successful Romantic Relationship Development: Meeting, Dating, and Choosing an Eternal Companion 

by Thomas B. Holman, Fank Poulsen, and others.

This Chapter is really good for those of you who are single and have the 'green light' to get married. This chapter has everything you need to know about developing a relationship, but what's more simple than starting with the ABCs?

George Levinger made it easy for us and gave us the main 5 steps in a heterosexual relationship. They are:

A - Awareness of or Acquaintance with another person;
B - Buildup of the relationship
C - Continuation following Commitment to a long-term relationship (which may result in marriage for many couples)
D - Deterioration or Decline in the interdependence of the couple;
E - Ending of the relationship.

The chapter is wonderful and goes on to talk about how to deal with a breakup, what you should do, and mainly just that it is going to happen sometime, so we might as well deal with it the best we can and get over it so that we can find peace with ourselves and get on with life to find the one who we will never break up with.

                                                   

Chapter 1

Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage

by Jason S. Carroll 

Chapter 1 of our Textbook is titled, "Young Adulthood and Pathways to Eternal Marriage." Some might be eager to skip over it because they are already married, are more advanced in life, or simply think that they already know everything about the earlier stages of our lives and what we can do to lead ourselves to Eternal Marriage.

This chapter is by Jason S. Carroll and he has some great insights. He says at the very beginning, "Marriage...is ordained of God...God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife...Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan."

We find many of the same ideas and principles in, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", which was given to us by the church some years ago.

Carroll goes on to talk about the erosion of traditional dating and courtship and speaks of pessimism about marriage. Being a newly wed myself of 3 months, I can relate to this. People were always trying to give me advice while I was in my engagement period that marriage is super hard and we would both have to change who we were to be able to get along peacefully with the other. I've learned for myself that while living with someone else and sharing everything with them isn't the easiest task in the world, it certainly isn't hard. You get married because you love that person and respect them and want the best for them. If it isn't your desire to make things work with your spouse, don't get married to them!

Carroll also talks about the "disappearance of dating" and how young folk are always just going out to hang out and "hook up". I agree that as the years go by this is happening more and more. While LDS young single adults seems to get married at a younger age, on average, than most other people in the world, it seems to me that that 'young age' is getting to be older and older. I see young males get jobs and are comfortable with their lives and even though they might be ready for marriage and have a woman who they want to marry, they procrastinate because they are too comfortable being single and living without extra responsibility.

This chapter was great and filled with wonderful insights. I only touched on a few of them, but will remember the things I learned from Carroll's studies forever so that I will be able to teach my kids.

From Here On Out

From now until the beginning of December, I am going to be posting some ideas and outlines as well as quotes from the book I am using for my Family class, "Successful Marriage and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives." I have already made several comments and posts that have to do with several chapters of the text, but now I will be going more in depth with the things that I have read/am reading.

Does Marriage come with blessings?

• We are discussing the importance of proper dating practices prior to marriage. What are the blessings and benefits of courtship after marriage?

The blessings and benefits of courtship after marriage are too many to count. Each and every day that I have woken up after my wedding day has been the biggest blessing in my life so far, and I've been greatly blessed. While kneeling across the altar with my beautiful brides hand in mine, I was blessed with the knowledge that I was doing something eternal. I was, and am, blessed to have my sweetheart in my life forever and always as long as we remain faithful to the covenants that we've made. In a church manual in a chapter titled, Marriage: Covenants and Commitment, we read, "Marriage is a sacred covenant that requires love, commitment, and unity." Nothing could be more true. We need to love our spouse. 

After marriage, we grow in that love and become one as our Heavenly Father intended for us. We receive so many blessing after marriage, but my favorite, I think, has been the security and safety that I feel with my wife. We talk about everything. There are no secrets, and there's no one else in the world that I would rather have know everything about me. When you have that special someone and you make sacred vows and covenants with them, you never have to worry about who you're going to be with when you go somewhere, or who you can ask for help. As far as courtship goes, we try to have a date night at least once a week. During the events of this night, we can put away all of the troubles that we are having and work on our relationship. Doing this helps immensely as we have very busy schedules and sometimes don't get to see each other until it's time to go to sleep. It has been told to us by prophets and apostles that if we do this, then we will have a better marriage. 

My thoughts on children.

• Does is really matter whether we choose to become parents? Why or why not?

“There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can.”

(Discourses of Brigham Young, Deseret Book Co., 1943, p. 197.)

What a silly question.. of COURSE it matters if we choose to become parents or not!!!! As The Family: A proclamation to the world says, "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." This explicitly says that the children are entitled to this birth. Another instance that comes to mind is when our Heavenly Father gave the commandment to Adam and Eve to "multiply and replenish the earth". We need to do that as well. 

For instance, let's say that you are in Heaven right now and are anxiously awaiting your birth to be able to receive your body and start your mortal adventure, but the family that you are supposed to be born in, is currently debating the decision of having children. This means that your experiences will have to be prolonged, and opportunities possibly missed just because your future parents are debating the decision that shouldn't really be a decision. 

Don't get me wrong. There are appropriate times to have children, and it's not always by choice that we have them. There are many people in the world that have children that shouldn't, and many that do not have children that should. If everyone was perfect, the world wouldn't need to exist. In my perspective, I'm not ready to have a child. I've been married for 2 1/2 months, I have a long way to go in school and so does my wife. I do not feel like I would be able to be the best father I could be if my wife and I had a child right now, so we are waiting. To me it needs to be logical and discussed with our Father in Heaven as well. I have heard of many experiences when a mother or father (usually the mother) just feel like someone is missing from their family. 

Yes. It matters if we choose to have children or not.